Often when talking to people about their abusive relationship, we hear things like, “it wasn’t like this when we first started dating,”  “we were friends first and [this person] never treated me this way before we got together,” or “everything was great at first, like it was almost too good to be true.”  Trust me, WE HEAR YOU.  If your partner had verbally or physically assaulted you the first time you hung out, you probably wouldn’t have met up with them again.  Abuse is something that happens gradually, over time, and often increases in severity.  We’ve made a list of some of the subtle signs that your partner may become more abusive over time.  Some of these things seem harmless enough on their own, or something that you might be able to tolerate initially, but they’re often a sign of more serious abuse later on in the relationship.  Here’s a list of some “red flags” to consider in your current or future relationship with your partner.

-Is a very jealous person

-Hurts your pets

-Throws things, either at you or in front of you when upset/irritated

-Constantly checks up on where you are, who you’re with, when you’ll be back, etc

-Makes all of the decisions in your relationship, and sometimes even your own life

-Tells you no one else will love you or no one else will want you

-Treats you like an object or a belonging

-Threatens to attempt or complete suicide if you break up with them or do something they don’t like

-Spies on you, or has a friend do so

-(in straight relationships) Thinks women are inferior to men

-Wants you all to his/herself, and wants you to spend all of your free time with them

-Spreads rumors about you to attempt to control who you spend time with, where you work, etc

-Checks your phone when you leave it unattended

-Calls from different numbers or reaches out on every social media when you don’t respond

-Sends abusive/harassing texts, DM’s, or voicemails

-Criticizes your body, appearance, or clothing.  They may also tell you how to dress, or how NOT to dress

-Encourages you to disobey your parents or family members

-Gets violent when using drugs or drinking

-Shoves, slaps, pinches, kicks, or punches you

-Makes fun or your beliefs and feelings

-Keeps you from seeing friends, or discourages your friendships with others (especially those of the opposite sex)

-Pressuring/begging you for sex, implying that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t oblige

-Forces sexual acts on you, or forces you to engage in sexual behavior you’re not comfortable with.

-Cries after hurting you

-Withholds their love and affection to punish you

-Insults you or calls you names

-You find ways to rationalize his/her behavior even when you know it’s wrong

-gives you a gift and then insists that you owe them later on

 

If you’re noticing that your new partner has a lot of these behaviors, it might be worth thinking about if this is the safest and healthiest relationship for you.

 

Relationship Red Flags PDF Download